encouragement for others

I felt happy earlier.
I went shopping. Bought a book, gifts and cards for few friends.
One is leaving the workplace next wed.
The other 2, feeling not too good recently.

I thought... why not make themm happy? cheer them up?
I really wanted to do it. To buy a little something, because they call out to me, and I somehow know that the gifts would be at home with the recipents. .. I hope. Heh.

I wrote a note with a card for a dear friend. someone who struggled depression. who is trying very hard to keep afloat. And when I read what I wrote, I realised .. that this is what I'm trying to tell myself. That God is here with me. He kept me afloat, I clinged on to Him, He loves me dearly and would not forsake me. If only I let go. I have to keep believing in His love. I love Him. And He loves me like His child. This message was meant for me. He works in miraculous ways.

I lost my temper. An inconsiderate neighbour above has a faulty aircon and it leaks water into my room and on my back. I was sitting just beneath the window. I didn't kick a fuss for i think a year. I bear with it. I adjusted my windows when I know that they are getting ready for their bed time. Why do I always give in? Why am I always the person being taken advantage of?
I want to scream and shout, to bang on their door, to let it all out. But no, considerate and me, partners. My friend. Meet me, the girl who is always too scared, avoids confrontations and let it all boils inside. Such a loser.