Likes being a little girl

I saw my Dr with my hubby this morning.
it was insightful. i persuaded him for more meds. Gave Zoloft 25mg, Lamictal 100mg (up from 50mg) , stilnox and rivotril 0.5mg BD.
He's not keen.. says medications are not miracles.
But agreed to use it to get through this period.
I hope I can be better. Just do not like the side effects of Zoloft (slight hand tremors).. not good when I need to work.
Wnat to be free from it all. To stay home and sleep, to watch TV, DVDs, movies and surf the net.
To escape responsiblities and the facade of being me.

My mum keeps all my meds. I surrendered them to her. To prevent and avoid overdose.
What a child.

So we walked along the streets today.
ended up with shiny, polished teeth =)
nothing in particular, we walked, held hands, talked and I shopped. (heeheh) I keep spending. I can buy more.
I enjoyed every moment with you.

My Dr says he's strong, he watches me because he has to.
I complained about invasion of privacy. But it's compromised.

I have beensleeping on the floor lately. Waiting for him to notice I'm not by his side.
Liked the feeling of being "carried" to bed. Like a child.
Wants him, to test him to see if I make a difference.
But more of likeing to being treated like a little girl.

He has to work tomorrow. I have another day rest to get better (like can I can better in 2 days?!!?)
But better than none.
I have plans to bring mom out to eat.. or maybe to go grocery shopping, to return the movies I have rented.
But my gut tells me I will be in bed. Miserable and wanting to sleep and escape again.

Please don't leave me tomorrow.
Don't go to work.
I need you.