I don't want her to leave.
I don't want Hut to leave me. The company. She is my pillar.
I don't want to be abandoned again.
she has a new life ahead, but i cannot take it.
I can't breathe.
My heart feels heavy, it's ripped. it's bleeding. I have never felt so emotional like this for a person for such a long time.
I cry. I'm regressing into a kid. I want tohold her and beg. But i'm an adult. I have to pretend to be cool. To be composed and say my goodbyes. No hugging least I cry. No crying later. People will talk. A girl creme told me 'fake strenght. cry and they will gossip that you can't fufill your new duties, they will wait for you to fall'
so pain stays, but a sad smile will walk her out. we are friends. this is not the end, but I need her at work. she's the reason why I stayed, why i'm in existance, why i'm at work,
i don't want her to leave me, to leave this safe heaven that L potray.
I'm not ready. I want to cut my heart out. at least the pain has an origin.
Shoulld I cut myself to see blood. would it make me feel better?
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2 comments:
I have read a number of your posts. They make me feel sad. It is obvious that you are really hurting but I don't hear that you have a support system or anything to help you through this difficulty. Maybe getting some professional help to deal with this would be helpful to get you out of this dark heavy place.
Thank you for your concerns.
It really touches me to have people care.
No idea how long this would last.. but thank you.
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