scream and rip

I am so angry!
Angry that my mum violated my privacy. Out of curiousity, she looked through my drawers because I cleared it out last Sun.
Her reason, she wanted to see what's in it. How much I have thrown away. I knew my things have been shifted. I have a system. I'm obsessive of how I placed my things. I know when someone else looked through or touched my stuffs. both at home and at work.

I'm trying to take things easy. Not wanting to say anything that would hurt her feelings. I'm so angry now, I want to gulp down all my pills.

I hope she hasn't seen my personal stuffs. Letters and stuffs. She's curious. Harmless. I'm trying to justify.
It doesn't seems as though shee has seen what she's not suppose to see. But she has seen my protection which she claims she has no idea. Do I believe her? Why not? I'm legally married.
It's just.. for so many years, she never touched my things other than to pack or clean or tidy up.
I have never felt intruded. Not like my friends.

But today.. I felt so violated. So angry. I have hatred towards everyone. I want to scratch myself till I bleed.
And I have to pretend tomorrow again.

I need a shower. I want to scream and rip it all out.