am i?

not too happy abt the previous pot

am i such a person,

it's sad. crazy.

maybe i will work on it

*yawn..

would the med let me sleep?

im tired.

some test i took.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 40% Stability |||| 20% Orderliness |||||||||||| 50% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70% Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56% Mystical |||||||||||||| 56% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 63% Religious |||||||||||||||| 70% Hedonism |||||| 30% Materialism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Narcissism |||||||||||| 50% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||| 76% Conflict seeking |||| 16% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 63% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 76% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70% Change averse |||||||||||||| 56% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||||||| 56% Sexuality |||| 16% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||||||| 37% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Indie |||||||||| 38%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

i so do not like myself what they have analyse

im not a good frind True

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun. Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. trait snapshot: introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual To place your results on your own site use the following code:

head hurts, inside hurts

Im not so good.. not so bad. a little calm. but often feel light headed in the morning at around 1030 to 1130. light headed. and when im well in the day, coping well, dealing with her nonsenses and trying the my best not to let her affect me.. not to let people affect me, i would get a terrible headache by the end of the day. mostly occur in the evening. i would feel like im not in my body, light headed, alternating between tired and trembling, heart racing slightly. hand shaking. and yes, nauseous. this has been happening frequently in the last 2 weeks. is my body trying to tell me something? i try to control my attitude . but it's so tiring to fight all these. im tired. yet everyday i have to motivate myself to get of bed sometimes i wish it will end. wish that i don't have to be accountable to so many people. very sad.

Not good

i'm stressed with work.. the people at work.

i'm tired of fighting.. of how my brain is dead tired at the end of the day.

How the bells starts ringing and I can tell that i'm have an attack again.

No one knows. The pain, the noise and the thoughts.

I have to keep it down and wrapped it up.

It's a secret the world can find. And i would lose my job.

tired.

want to cry.

I just want to be happy.

Not to think that I'm useless. Not to cry at every provocation.
I feel ugly and lonely.
I feel stupid.
It's only 8 days pass new year. I'm afraid that I would have a relapse. That this would all would be in vain.
I can't breathe.
I wish I can just die.

I want to sit in a cafe and not work.
Be happy and relax.
I miss how humans feel.. or do I?
This is a privilege of the special cult.

Not happy

I am not happy.
Felt really really lonely, depressed and sad,
Contemplate suicide,

Wish could end this.
Violent mood swings.
Back stbbing colleagues

Who to trust?
It's an issue.

I lost all mood. Haven't done christmas shopping.
I wish I can abused the drug, To take lots, drink alciohol
To get a high.

I'm really down.
Tired.

I want to kill myslf at this instance.
Want to cry, to cry for the emptiness and pain no one else felt.

Trust is an issue

I have done something unintentionally to hurt another perosn.
Fact is, I felt threatened by her.
I don't trust her.
I have an issue with trust.

I need to separate work and my live.
I cannot keep thinking of who is going to back stab me, make use of me etc.
I will go even crazier.

I dun feel good. The happiness is dwiddling.
I get frustrated... paranoid.
The threaat is there... I'm wary and on my guard.

She seems nice, but I have been betrayed and hurt by others. I just find her fake. I don't trust her... yet I have to work with her closely... I dun get good vibes.
Not keen to play politics.. but who is playing whom?

Strangely happy

I have been on Zoloft for 3 weeks and I feel strangely happy.
I have been sick for 3 weeks..
Bad bad cough, flu, so sick, so physically sick.
Yet, I feel so good. That I can work for the past 3 weeks. That I can get up in the morning and didn't have to drag myself to work.
I'm not sure. Should I be happy that I'm feeling strangely happy? Or should I be bothered that I need medications?

I saw my Dr, we continued my med, to get through X'mas, the next month, then we would start to reduce it to the minimum.
He says that it's ok for me to be back on med, that sometimes I just need that lift.
He's however, worried that zoloft may induce hypomania.

I felt a little sad today but as I'm typing.. my mood is lifting.
Let's see how it goes.
As for my cough, it's getting better with antibiotics, meds and lots of vitamins and herbs.

=)

Something striked me today..

The happiest people in the world are not those
who have no problems, but those who learn to
live with things that are less than perfect .

Somehow, this stays in my mind today. I am grateful to God, to my love ones, to all who love and support me. I have learn that sometimes in life, it's hard to be perfect. That nobody can ever be perfect.
I have to learn.
I have to learn not to let this illness gets me down.
But it's so hard.
If I have learn, I have tried, why does it keep attacking me?
Why does it affects my life that I have learn to accept?

No voice

By the way, I lost my voice.
Quite sad, especially on Fri, when all I want to do is talk and talk and talk.
Want to sharre my ideas and opinions. But I have no voice. They are kind to listen to my whispers and croacks, and i felt grateful that my 5 senses are intact and having that, I have no reasons to be depressed.
But these thoughts do not stay when you want to lie and cry in bed.
When you are tired and think the whole is plotting against you.

I must be positive and remember the good, better and days to be gratful for.