Somewhere in Between

I'm happy.. Ok not quite happy but feel better and feeling able to cope.

I went for the interview today, they are keen to get my started on Friday.

I have to commence early due to handing over issues. My hubby and I have plans to go for  trip before I start a job, so this was quite a deliberation.

Anyhow, the company feels that it's vital to work for a couple of days as the existing employee will have a change of job role and thus will not be available when I return.

On my part, I am a perfectionist and frankly I feel the need to know the current task and assignments at hand.

I have 10 hours to make a final decision.

My Dr says go ahead. he feels I perform better with structure and expectations. And though I have my more down days in the month of April, I think i can function.

But I'm scared.

I know we need time to be ready, I get this question from my hubby " are you ready to work?" I answered... " will I ever be ready?" I lived with this horrible mood roller coaster. I am starting a new job on Friday, I am scared. I feel confident in the day " Yes! I can do it!" I shout! And now at 12 MN.... I wonder and i get fearful and i get paranoid about whether I will get a mental breakdown.

Do you get this often?

Feeling gung- ho and all out, raring to go in the day and crying in the night? Being afraid to go to work the next day?

I can't be controlled by my moods... But it controls me strongly.

I can wake up and not wanting to go to work and that's bad.

I don't want to be like this.

I wish to have a change of brain.

But I can do it right?

I need to at least give myself a chance adn learn to cope with stress and recognise trigger prevailing factors.