that's too simple.. but i have no idea how else to describe how i'm feeling other than utterly miserable...
i have no desire to do anything.. all i want to do is sleep yet i have to fore myself to wake up at a certain time... otherwise i can't sleep again tonight.. and what is worse than not sleeping at night when the whole house is asleep and all you want to do is trash the house apart because of the frustrations of not sleeping?!!
i get this "short circuit" zap thing in my head and I know something bad is on it's way...
it goes ziip...zap.. like the current is out of functioning. how can I describe this to anyone sane?
i'm irritable.. i spent alot of money buying CDs, DVDs, clothes an groceries ( why do I need so much?) and now as I look at my finances, i need to start seriously to apply for a job. but I have only sent one CV out and I'm so damm proud of myself for that!
i have a confession, there were days during the week where i felt rather unsettled, agitated and I used a needle and slice the skin.. just seeing the skin tear apart makes me relaxed. just one line. I did it yesterday on my thigh and i hope no one asked where did I get the cut from....
i'm supposed to meet some friends from work tomorrow.... i just messaged them to tell them I won't be joining. I know they will get angry, mad, pissed whatever... but I just don't feel like joining them. Or seeing people....
i can't do it. i have no mood and i would be very happy to just curl up and die.. if someone will allow me to.
This will pass but i am angry, depressed, agitated and anxious.
Argh!
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